


Letter to Sam

by Winchesterek



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Future Dean Winchester, Letters, M/M, Stanford Era, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 02:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3102680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchesterek/pseuds/Winchesterek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future!Dean writes a letter to Stanford!Sam</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letter to Sam

**Author's Note:**

> So, I found this letter that I wrote probably about three years ago on a blog I had originally opened to become a journal for a fic that's long been lost, never edited and never posted. Basically the fic had Endverse!Dean coming back to the past when Sam was just in his first year of Stanford so he could kill Sam. Dean couldn't do it. The fic ends up Dean trying to stop Sam from becoming "Samifer". In the meantime, he ends up stealing Stanford!Sam away from HIS Dean and it all becomes a mess. The fic ends with Dean being taken back to his timeline by Michael when he says Yes and he leaves Sam this letter. (Dean also leaves a journal detailing everything that happens from Seasons 1-5 and the Endverse.)

Sammy,

If you’re reading this, then I’ve fucked up. Yeah, I know, no real big shocker right? But I know that you’ll be okay, because no matter where I am or which one of me that you’ve got with you, I’ll always love you. I have since that fourth of July that we spent together, shooting off fireworks until we burnt down that field. You were thirteen and I couldn’t believe that you were growing up so much, but I knew then that I loved you. More than I ever should. I wish I would’ve done something then about it. I wish that I would’ve been selfish and told you that I loved you and I wanted you and kept you away from Stanford just so that we could be together, away from Dad. I know that’s all that you ever really wanted - was to be away from Dad and you did it the best way that you knew how.

I dont hate you for leaving and I never have. I know that I’ve told you this but I need to tell you again because you never listen to me. But, you’re my stubborn little brother and I guess it just runs in the family, because I could’ve done a lot of things differently in my life that would’ve changed everything. I could’ve gone with you to Stanford, I could’ve trusted you to make your own choices because I know that you can. I was just so damn afraid of what would happen when you didnt choose me. What if you chose to leave and I’d be left with nothing - so I did my best to try and keep you straight in the lines and keep you safe. Always safe.

I guess that’s what gets us here. I did everything I could to keep you safe and none of it worked. I sold my soul and went to Hell because I was too selfish to live without you. I couldn’t. I knew that if you stayed dead that I couldn’t live with myself and I knew that I couldn’t live without you. I couldn’t do it without you because without you, I’d be nothing. It’s always been that way you know? You’re everything I’ve ever had and everything that I’ve ever loved and I couldn’t - couldn’t let it slip away like that. It was my fault that you died, hell, it was my fault that Dad died. It’s all my fault.

It’s my fault that the apocalypse started because I was too weak in Hell. I gave in and started torturing people and that broke the first seal. I thought that I could stop it if I just saved you because I couldnt lose you again. Not to Stanford, not to Death, not to angels and not to demons. I didnt want you to make any of the wrong choices like I had and I thought I was keeping you safe by making them for you, but I wasnt. I just ended up pushing you away from me in the end and right into the arms of Ruby.

It’ll always hurt you know, when you chose Ruby over me, but I dont blame you for it. I guess she gave you what you needed. She let you choose what you wanted, even if she was manipulating you because she’s just an evil demon bitch. But I drove you to her, so I cant lay all the blame on you for choosing her. If I’d just tried to listen to you then maybe things would’ve turned out differently. But they didn’t. You killed Lilith and Lucifer rose from Hell. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop it.

I couldnt stop a lot of things and I drove you right out of my life and into Lucifer’s arms where you said Yes to him and now he’s walkin’ around wearing you. Because I told you that we were better off apart than together. Because I thought that I was doing the right thing by staying away from you so you could get away from it all and I was wrong. I’ve done so many things in my life that should’ve been different. I’ve failed you so much that I cant even begin to make it up to you.

I thought that coming back here to save you would make it all right, but I just ended up screwing things up here too. I made you lose this Dean because I was too selfish enough to let you leave and go to him even though he wants you. I wanted you all to myself. I could save you this time and I could do it right this time because I knew the everything and could stop it. But I was wrong. At least with the part that I said about doing it right again this time, for me. I cant do this again because I’m not supposed to. I’m not supposed to be here and I should’ve said Yes years ago to Michael to end this, but I couldnt bring myself to say those words because I was afraid to lose you. I couldnt kill you and end up without you again when Michael and Lucifer finished off the apocalypse. But it’s not fair to you either to keep you trapped there either. I know that and that’s why I have to go back and make it right. At least this time if we both die, I’ll be able to go to Hell with you and maybe we’d be lucky enough son of a bitches that we might get an invitation to Heaven. Then we’d be there together forever. Happy. Either way, as long as I’m with you, I’ll be okay.

But it’s time for you to make your own choices. It’s time for you to do things right and in this journal there’s everything that you need to know about what happened and what’s coming. And maybe, just maybe, if you choose to be with Dean - the brother that I drove you away from when I came here, then the both of you can do this together. You can make the right choices. You can be with him in ways that I can never give you because of everything that’s happened to me. I will always love you Sammy, always. But it’s time for you to do this on your own and I hope that you decide to try and make it work with him. He loves you. More than anything. I know, because no matter what version of myself there is out there - it’ll always be you and only you for me. You’re it. My soulmate. And whatever happens, he’ll forgive you. I know he will, because I wouldn’t be able not to. I love you too damn much.

I hope you can understand why I had to do this, even if you cant forgive me and I hope that you dont punish him because of the choices that I’ve made. I love you and I’m so sorry.

Always,

Dean


End file.
